


Chrom and Robin: The Denny's Experience

by Anonymous



Category: Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Corrin Drives a G Wagon, Denny's, Fluff and Crack, Fury 9, Gluing Two Amiibos Together, Good Morning Yall, Ike Does Crack, Ike Is a Sugar Daddy, M/M, Pancake Dress, Vehicular Destruction, technically a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 09:10:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20307019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Chrom and Robin are scheduled to get married at a romantic Denny's getaway. However, trouble soon dawns upon them when they get a mysterious visitor knocking upon their door. Will they make it to Denny's?





	Chrom and Robin: The Denny's Experience

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is a shitpost fic buckle up

Corrin pulled up in a Mercedes Benz (G Wagon G Wagon). He walked out and knocked on the door once, then Azura danced him, and he knocked on the door again.

“Your delivery is here!”, Corrin yelled. “GET IN LOSER WE’RE GOING SHOPPING.”

“NO” yelled Chrom, extremely angry. “We are going to dennys PERSONALLY and not getting it delivered STINKY”

With that, he slammed the door.

“I-I’m so sorry, babe. I’m just… really nervous about our wedding,” Chrom said. Robin patted his back supportively.

“Look, I dressed up and everything.” Chrom pointed to his handsome egg brooch. “I’ve been… waiting so long for this moment. I can finally wear my Denny’s themed WEDDING attire. The royal family owns the chain, so there’s no better way to celebrate. I also have 500 rewards points I need to use. I can get us dessert!”

“No, it’s… okay. I get it. Take it easy,” replied Robin, tugging on his Pancake-themed wedding dress. It looked like a (very elegant) stack of pancakes, with Robin being the perfect butter… or whipped cream… or however you like your pancakes, it’s up to you, on top. “I’ve been waiting a while for this, too. I had to sell so many Bullion (L) to afford this dress, and… I feel like I’m really me right now.”

“You look… _delectable_.” Chrom purred. “Even more so than the all-you-can-eat pancake feast I’m planning on indulging on. It’s 9.99, but we should live it up today, Robin. I think I’m going to put ice in my orange juice this time-- a little step up from our normal routine, you know? You’re right. I need to… relax.”

Corrin suddenly drives his G Wagon through the wall of their apartment and yells, “You are coming shopping, loser. **BY FORCE**!” 

“**NO!!!!**” Screamed Chrom, even louder. However, he had already made an action for his turn, so he was immobilized. “Robin, do something!” 

“I can’t! I used my turn too! I’m… I need to tell you something. Please, I’m so, so sorry I never told you this before, but… I’m… I’m……… **BABEY**!”

“**NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**” Screamed Chrom again, but this time louder than the louder before and sprinkled with _even more_ angery. 

“That’s right bitches. We’re going to ALL the stores when we go shopping, except the shoe store. Fuck the shoe store in particular. (All my homies hate shoes.) I am going to spend 3 hours in party city trying on every single hat in the Halloween aisle and birthday party aisles and you are going to like it.”

“_No,_” whispered Chrom. “I… needed more comfortable shoes. We could have made this an efficient shopping trip. _ We could have been friends. _ Unlike Ike. He does crack.”

Corrin’s expression faltered. 

“He… does? I’m… I’m so sorry to hear that. Does… does he need help, er, like... we can...“

“I don’t need any of your fake pity!” Chrom lashed. “Give me your phone.”

“I’m sorry, look, I didn't know, I can let you out of the car, don’t--”

“**NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** 😉🐴😯😙😕👺😲🙉😳😤😭🌽🤧😷🍉🍊🍆🐥🦉🐭😂😬😡😡😡😡😡😡😡“ Chrom screeched, verbally pronouncing each and every emoji. He is talented. He slapped the phone out of Corrin’s grasp, exiting the car while it was still in motion with Robin following behind. 

“Babe I’m so sorry about that. The amiibo came alive again and it stole the car. We’ll be okay, babe, I promise. I have another G Wagon at home. Let me call my crackhead brother to pick us up.”

“Wait I thought you slapped the phone out of his hand how are you gonna call him”

“Ghostbusters!!!!,” he answers, and doesn’t bother to explain further.

“Ah shit its grandpa.” _ Here we go again _, he didn’t add.

“Hi grandpa!” he says, as Marth picks up the phone. “What are you doing at Ike’s crackhouse and beyond?”

“お前はもう死んでいる” he says. 

“Okay, thanks grandpa,” Chrom said. “He’ll be here to pick us up in ten minutes.” Robin cheered. 

“Do you have any other strange relatives I should know about?” asks Robin.

I have a stoner uncle, who insists the sacred stones are da wae. My cousin is also a crippling minecraft addict and knows how to tame a horse. It’s tragic. I also have someone who is super close to me. Like… I’ve known them for so long. We have invisible ties. Physically and emotionally! It’s youwu,” Uwued Chrom. “And you’re going to be part of the Denny’s family.”

Robin smiled, touching his invisible tie he had worn exclusively for the wedding. “I am honored.”

They hear a horn honking and see grandpa Marth pulling up in his Ferrari. He is fucking rich. He is royalty. He owns McDonalds AND Dennys AND Bed Bath and Beyond AND vitamin world.” “クソカキコ,” he says, richly flexing his 5 different colored diamond rings.

  
“Thanks for picking us up grandpa, take us to the nearest Denny’s please. And please do not ask for that in front of Robin ever again.”

Suddenly, Ike pulls up beside them in his Jeep and says “You owe me crack,” and pulls out his nerf ™ glock. He takes time to load it carefully with 100% official licensed nerf ™ darts. Chrom and friends felt their atk stat be reduced by 7. 

Marth puts his foot on the gas and floors it while Tokyo Drift plays loudly on the speakers. “_HEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DREEFT DREEFT DREEFT HEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_” said the radio remorsefully, just like the authors.

“Hey Hajime, can we change the music?” asks Chrom, but does not wait for an answer and turns on _Rockstar_ by Nickelback. This enrages Marth, who kicks them out of the car, with one fell swoop of his long melee reach.

Robin broke down into tears upon seeing where they had been abandoned. “No… no it can’t be! I… I can’t be a traitor. I am NOT settling for IHOP! That… that chain is owned by… my secret past family. Chef Valter is… nothing but evil. Aversa is a mean waitress. She put out a cigarette in my eggs once and I cried.”

“Oh lol okay I didnt want to go in there anyways”

**ARE CHROM AND ROBIN STRANDED FOREVER?? FIND OUT BELOW THE LINE!!!!**

* * *

Luckily cousin Roy showed up soon after with a fleet of minecraft horses for them to ride to Denny’s. Chrom quickly noticed that they were extremely tamed. They were the most tamed minecraft horses he had ever seen. Robin was in awe. “Hop on feet yeehaw,” Roy called, reaching his hand out to the two anime boys. Robin and Chrom nodded eagerly, hopping on a horse.

They make it back to Denny’s only to find it had exploded due to Corrin running through the wall with the G Wagon. The car had gone super far. It was a direct shot from their apartment to the Denny’s, which really sucked for them.

“Where do we go now?” says Robin. “Roy, can you rebuild it with your minecraft powers?”

“No,” he says, crying. “I spent all my time and money learning how to tame horses for my dad. I also learned how to change time of day but that doesn’t help us!”

It is then that they see a glowing blue light in the shadows of the destroyed Denny’s. Lorenz Hellman Gloucester appears in all his glory with a glowing blue eye and says “You are going to have a bad time if you do not give me feet pics this instant!!!!!”

“No!!11!!” says Chrom, “Not feet pics! Anything but feet pics!”

“Anything?” replies Lorenz. “THEN **PEWISH**.”

“**_MR CHROBAMA GET DOWN!!!_**” Yells Roy, pushing him out of the way of Lorenz doing it to em’. Roy’s HP drops to 1. He doesn't have vantage or desperation or like a brazen skill so this doesn't really help him and situation just kinda sucks.

“**_YOU CAN’T DO THAT THAT’S ILLEGAL!_**” yells Robin. 

Suddenly, before Lorenz can finish Roy off, he is run over by a man on a horse. “I am Ferdinand Von Aegir!” he declares.

“Ferdinand Von Aegir?” replies Chrom, confused. 

“The one and only. My family is super rich. Like richer than your grandpa rich. Like this rich.” he extended his hand and instantly five hundred servants appear to kiss it.

“Wow,” says Robin, “he’s really rich.”

Chrom agrees. “Wow, he is particularly wealthy. He owns a lot of money. He has a lot of cash. He has the moolah. He has a lot of the money compared to other people but not us really because we are pretty rich too, in fact I might say we are still more rich and own more money. More dollars. That’s not the currency of the Fire Emblem ™ universe but I think it’s just a fun way to say money, which we have a lot of. But that’s just my speculation.”

“Richer??? Than me???” says Ferdinand von Aegir, offended, slightly less richly. “That’s impo$$ible! Because I am very very rich and you clearly do not own as much money as I do.”

“I don’t know, from a financial standpoint my family might have more properties and cooperations in assets that will likely total to something equivalent to more wealth, although not much of it is physical money. I am the heir to the Denny’s-Vitamin World-Bed Bath and Beyond-McDonalds + Knuckles + Welcome Amiibo Featuring Money and Dante From the Devil May Cry series empire.We have a lot of capital and I still think we have more money than you.” Chrom replied. “Also my cousin Ike makes mad dosh off of his drug empire.”

“Okay but I still think--”

Suddenly, a white haired woman falls out of the sky and slaps him. “Get back to work Ferdinand,” she says. “You are embarrassing my empire of department stores!”

Robin gasps. “**_MY TWIN SISTER!???!!!_** What are you doing here!?!?!?! You don’t exist!11!!”

She laughs very evilly, because she is evil, and does very evil things, evilly. For example, she will send Lorenz Hellman Gloucester feet pics. She will also glue the bottoms of two amiibos together and roll them down the stairs. That’s not what amiibos are for so that is very evil. It’s like a wheel though, so it’s moderately entertaining, but it’s just not right.

“You sent Lorenz Hellman Gloucester for my feet pics!!!” accuses Robin.

“Nuh uh” says Robin’s very evilly evil twin sister.

“**UH HUH**!!!” says LorenZ Hellman Glouce$ter richly. “I came to get the feet pics all on my own because I am a big boy who does not need anyone to tell me what to do.”

“Mommy daddy **_STOP FIGHTING_**” yelled male robin. 

Lorenz then disappears and turns into a pile of dust, after saying “Mr. Stark, I do not feel so good.”

The Final Fantasy victory theme plays in the distance. It was Marth, blasting it from his FERRARIRIRIIR radio proudly.

“The evil evilly villain has been defeated! We did it reddit. Thanks for the gold kind stranger,” said Roy. “Shut up Tobin,” said Chrom.

“Chrom we forgot to get married,” Robin whispered, looking at the destruction around him. “It’s okay,” Chrom said reassuringly. “We beat the bad guys!!!! HOORAY!!!!! We can get married tomorrow anyways lol” 

And then everyone died from Fury 9 recoil damage and dysentery.

_ **The endn** _

**Author's Note:**

> good morning yall


End file.
